GuysterRules (guysterrules) wrote,

Reality Round-Up

It’s nearing the end of summer as the last of the Big Brother 4 tribe battle it out for the big prize and bragging rights of being able to tolerate each other for one tiny second longer. The final four left in the aquarium surprise me. I was certain and wishfully thinking Justin would have made it to the end.

Who’s left, you ask? Robert, a genuinely creepy guy who cries every time his daughter is mentioned yet can’t wait to win the big money so he can buy a Porsche. Erika, Robert’s ex-girlfriend, struck Bob and I as emotionally remote when we first saw her months ago but now she seems motherly and warm and I’d like her to win. Jun, the Korean girl, has shown savvier instincts than I first imagined and if she won, Bob and I could live with that. It is Allison, though, that causes us the most chafing. She is one of those awful, marginally good-looking girls whose trump card is her skuzzy femininity. She’s the chick in high school that started rumors you were gay. She is horrifying and I want to see her lose and I want to see her cry like someone just plucked the lollipop from her mouth. It looks like it will be Allison’s game, though. She has just an inch more determination than the rest.

Cupid became unwatchable when America, in the same wisdom that drives them to support Bush or vote for Clay Aiken, voted off Joe last week - the cutest and sweetest reality contestant ever. It was made clear last night that Lisa has already chosen Hank, a man with kind eyes and whose dark heart has yet to register on her. But it's not up to Lisa, is it? America will decide and hopefully, in a collective capricious moment, they will vote for her to marry Robert, a spasmodically clumsey Austrian who bought her mirrored shoes to wear with her dress, and we can laugh and giggle as Lisa is forced to marry this man on live TV.

On For Love Or Money 2, Erin took a big risk in choosing Chad, just his name alone was a risk, because she didn’t know if he would choose her back thus depriving her of her $2 million war chest. I saw them on the Today show and she was as radiant as ever. She kicked him back a half mil, which I thought a half mil too short but he seemed happy and now they can go become television footnotes like Susan Hawk.

Road Rules has been a particularly good season this year in the South Pacific and if they would only vote off the racist passive-aggression of Donnell and do it quickly, the cast might actually get their bonus. Ever since he was responsible for getting Abe booted, he has been struck off my Christmas card list. Real World:Paris had a lot of possibilities this year although they seem to have been squandered. It is an elongated season so perhaps we’ll finally see the achingly gorgeous alcoholic girl have a breakdown or better yet, JT might fly into a physically abusive rage.

Last night on Bravo was the first of a five part series dissecting reality TV. Predictably its primary thesis was we are not seeing “reality” and the genre is assisted by producers to heighten drama. Right? I’m thinking that’s why I watch. It is how well the characters and stories are told, through editing that make me want to invest in the series. Of course I don’t think everything I am watching is reality but rather it is the unfolding of real people in extraordinary situations.

Fall is here and sixteen strangers are getting thrown off of a boat near the Pearl Islands, wherever the hell that is on a map. I will follow their every move and curse them when they make a mistake. I will like some and hate some and before I know it, it will be Christmas.

Another kind of reality programming happened today on Howard Stern. I thankfully found his DC affiliate and this morning he went on an elongated rant in support of the Harvey Milk School. Fred Phelps came to the big city with his family in tow and protested the faggotry of the high school and hoped all the fag kids would die die die. After playing some truly disturbing sounds clips of the Phelps’ children condemning fags to hell, he fielded calls from his listeners and impatiently explained to them that they were morons for not getting the fact the school was necessary if these kids wanted a decent life. It was just another reason for me to love Howard and I believe he has done as much to push gay acceptance forward as Madonna. He’s just done it in a more roundabout manner.

When they empty the fishbowl of Big Brother this year, I know I’ll have to wait a long time before I see that boxed house again. The time in between will give me an opportunity to reflect and use the lessons I learned on the show in my everyday life. I’ll treasure this summer school education and honor it to better mankind.

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