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Sing With Me If It's Just For Today...
If I should fall behind, Guyster, wait for me.
Swirling and Twirling
I am looking out over the bland pale blue sky that softens at the water's edge to create some semblance of horizon and I realize this may be my last time viewing from this particular perch. The job ended last Friday but I have returned to the office for the last two days, more a squatter than a productive employee. The truth is, I'm afraid to go home.

The crushing unknown of the next step has sent my bi-plane into a comically spinning nose dive leaving a smokey trail in the sky. I have "designed" so many careers of others yet mine is a mish-mash of experience that adds up to a fuzzy future. I look at my dwindling financial cushion and compare it with the APR of my credit card collection and it almost makes me laugh. In the words of Billy's favorite Bruce song Atlantic City, I've got debts no honest man can pay.

I made a comprehensive list of all of the people I should call today and to whom I should send a resume. I've completed six of those calls, only one yielding a slim possibility of developing programming at the Biography Channel. I've left messages for eight and I will be surprised if half of them call back. The list is stacked with those who I am paralyzed to call; the president of Fox who I knew a decade ago when we developed a project together and before he ascended to national notoriety. A few people from HBO who have dropped off my radar, or rather the other way around, since I began working in radio four years ago.

The most disappointing call of the day was from my ex-boss who was just promoted to senior management at Sirius. While he contends to believe in me and my talents, and I believe he believes, he said there was nothing he could do for six months to a year. I wish I had the luxury of waiting. I would do nothing but sit at home and write the book that tickles my mind.

I am absolutely guided by routine. The last sixteen months and four days have shaken any notion of consistency into a frothy dream of used-to-bes and now, without a place to report daily, the conceit of order and custom is laughable. I read Creative Visualization over the weekend and I fell asleep. While I know the precept to be true, the implementation seems downright Everest.

This certainly isn't the first time I've had a career hiccup. When it's happened in the past, Billy's shiny admonition was, "Stop swirling and twirling!" Those were the days when I knew I could stop. I could take a breath and know someone had my back, the bills would be paid and everything would be somehow handled. Those were the days of teamwork.

Current Mood: unemployed

10 comments or Leave a comment
ruralrob From: ruralrob Date: June 24th, 2003 02:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
Well, what can I say but I'm rooting for you, for one.
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guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: June 24th, 2003 04:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! How did you find my journal? I must admit I am terrible about keeping track of who's on my friends list.
explosivo From: explosivo Date: June 24th, 2003 03:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
not designed to make you feel any better, but... I am right there with you. I came home from Nashville last night and after telling no less than 50 people that today would be the day I started plotting the next move, I sat naked, in lotus position on a chair in my computer room, doing virtually nothing from 7am till well after noon.

jdjdjd From: jdjdjd Date: June 24th, 2003 06:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
Well, THAT gave me quite a visual. ;) Being umemployed sucks. The 2 of you read enough of my feeling sorry for myself posts (what I bothered to write) while I was out of a job. I'm thinking of you both.
(Deleted comment)
creamycambot From: creamycambot Date: June 24th, 2003 05:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Terry, I will gladly come over and feed you a nice hot meal and provide a small distraction for a few hours, if you desire. Ask and I will be there. Stay strong. You have more going for you than you recognize. Luckily for us, we can see greatness, otherwise we would not still be here. We are your cheerleaders, minus the pom-poms and the spankies...let's not go there.

ubermunkey From: ubermunkey Date: June 24th, 2003 09:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
creamy and I can be your cheer section. You've much too bright a mind not to find it employed somewhere soon. Hell I'd even roll with the pom poms. Mike keeps telling me he's gonna get me that fringed white leather gogo bear outfit.
creamycambot From: creamycambot Date: June 24th, 2003 09:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ok, now I am uncomfortable. LOL.
ubermunkey From: ubermunkey Date: June 24th, 2003 10:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
not to fear creamy. you look woofy and all but really I am not into forcing you... ;-) We could be platonic cheer buddies. I mean hell, how can you go wrong with two big ol bruizers like us cheering on the guysterrules? I'd even turn my back when you are changing into your cheerleader panties! (still a country boy with manners at heart)
From: pit6steve Date: June 25th, 2003 02:14 am (UTC) (Link)
Not sure what to say T other than I have you in my thoughts and prayers and hoping the best for you. Just wish I was closer where I could give you a big ole hug and let you know that everything is going to be OK.
10 comments or Leave a comment