We were both really happy Michael Chiklas won.
Scott was also very close to Billy but they had a bad falling out with one another that never got repaired before Billy passed away. Honestly it is an emotionally tricky area for me because I love Scott but he did treat Billy badly at one point and, in the shadow of Billy's passing, I find it unforgivable. But I do forgive him as I know Billy ultimately did before he died.
After Scott left, I took my nightly Klonopin and watched a film from the 60s I hadn't seen since I was a kid (Mirage) with Gregory Peck. I set the timer and fell off to sleep as I thought of a conversation I wish I'd had with Billy.
Being an insomniac by nature, falling asleep since January 21st (243 days ago) has been unbeliveably challenging. I usually spend those moments before slumber filled with conversations and actions I wish I would have taken. If I did this, maybe Billy wouldn't have died. If I said that, maybe he would have had a moment of happiness instead of the moment of sadness that I dealt him. In 9 1/2 years, I built up a lot of regrets. When there is no way to EVER make these corrections, well, it can play awful games with my head.
I got up early today for a meeting with two of the principals of a start-up company of which I will be a major part. It is a comedy-based company and both players have little or no experience in either comedy or radio. So the debate always becomes, "What is funny."
Funny is one of the most subjective words so there is rarely a consensus. It's really frustrating but politically, this is not the hill I want to battle on right now. So I listen to their opinions and I implement them as best I can without killing my own integrity.
I'm sitting here listening to Dr. Laura and putting off going through a pile of comedy CDs to find a 15 second clip for something.
SIDEBAR: Dr. Laura, in radio terms, is a genius broadcaster. In social terms, she has so much value in the advice she gives. So much of public opinion of her is shaded by the recent GLAAD snit when they successfully had her TV show cancelled. GLAAD (Gay Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) is extortion wrapped as activism. Scott Seoman (pronouced "semen"), the spokesbitch for GLAAD, needs to shut the fuck up. They obstensibly represent the gay community and watchdog entertainment for negative portrayals of homosexuals. In fact, what they do is take money from studios and networks. As long as they are paid, anyone can say anything aboyut anyone. If they're not paid off, then the project gets labelled homophobic and your project is likely to get shut down. Welcome to free speech. Like so much of the gay "community," it doesn't reflect me or my life, and I resent GLAAD speaking on my behalf.