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I've been chastised by a fellow LJer that my posts are "maudlin" and… - Sing With Me If It's Just For Today... — LiveJournal
If I should fall behind, Guyster, wait for me.
I've been chastised by a fellow LJer that my posts are "maudlin" and that I am "wallowing." I apologize to all those who I have saddled with my sadness. I believe I misunderstood what the dynamic of LJ was.

From now on, I will only post stuff that is fun, fun, fun.

How do your make your dick look bigger? Put it in a baby's hand.

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explosivo From: explosivo Date: October 1st, 2002 04:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't think you should censor your thoughts... it is YOUR Live Journal. But, just know, some people have difficulty reading it. I'm sure I'm just the sacrificial lamb here...

Anyway, you do what you want, Terry, I just needed to post that as much as you need to post what you post.

(Not that it matters, but I *DID* agonize over posting my reply, but a couple of people urged me to do so... and, I knew in my heart I would feel better if I got it off my chest.)
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: October 1st, 2002 04:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
I wrote you a private email but since you seem to like the public forum, let me reprint that rely here...followed by a joke in keeping with my new attitude toward LJ.


I thought I would take this to a more private area. First let me say I love you very much as a friend. You said many provocative things in your response. Words like "wallowing," "maudlin," and the phrase "an unwillingness to move forward," are all terms used by someone who has never loved and lived with someone for almost ten years only to suddenly find them dead. I understand that. I use this journal as catharsis. I don't care if anyone reads my posts or not. In fact, I probably should make this a private affair and not burden those who have been unlucky enough to sign up as my LJ friend.

First let me address "recovery." It is not the same dynamic as recovering from addiction. I go to a private therapist and also a support group. I read constantly about how best to navigate this. Some days my progress seems remarkable. Some days it feels like January 22nd. There are no steps to take (12 or otherwise) to get emotionally healthy again. It just IS. And that IS takes on different colors depending on so many factors. The last few days have been very very difficult. I have no clue why. They just have been. And I voice that in LJ. I thought that's what it was for.

Ricky didn't feed the fire. He found a lyric he knew I could relate to. He sent it to me because he is a friend who does understand. And I posted it because it had an affect on me. Look, Marc. I know my friends are fatigued by my loss and my grief. I know I'm not as much fun and glib and happy to be with as I used to be.

What most of my friends do NOT understand is that I need to talk about Billy. And since most of my friends (Russell being the prime one) literally refuse to talk about Billy, I thought I could use LJ as that voice. What most people don't understand about this process is that it NEEDS a voice. So it is helpful to my progress to write these things. After reading your post, though, I think this is the wrong forum.

You use this LJ to post hockey scores and complain about spending thousands of dollars on your house and whine about making so much money for doing no work. Fine. Great. I'm sure all those on your friends list who are financially struggling love to read your posts about how difficult it is to be a wealthy home owner.

I have posted many things that have nothing to do with Billy. But the last few days have been rough and that was what was on my mind. Maybe I shouldn't have used LJ as the refuge I sought. Certainly my friends are tired of it. Why wouldn't complete strangers be?

So progress? It's there. Believe me, my friend. I can go a whole dinner with friends and laugh and not even mention Billy once. I do that often. Maybe we can all go out to dinner and I will prove it to you.

Should you ever be unfortunate enough to suffer a devastating loss, please know I will be there to LISTEN to you cry or talk or remember or rage for as long as it takes. And I promise not to be the friend who is looking at his watch and timing the progress of your "recovery."

But to put your post as a comment on LJ rather than to take it offline embarrasses me. But that, I suppose (and I am a newbie at LJ), is the name of the game.

I know your post was tough for you to write but I'm afraid you got it wrong in your assessment of me. I am certain you got it right about your being tired of reading my posts. I love you for writing it because I know you were doing it from a place of love and friendship.

Thank you for both your love and friendship.


Now the joke:

What do you call a woman with two black eyes? Someone who didn't listen the first time.

fullback40 From: fullback40 Date: October 1st, 2002 04:52 pm (UTC) (Link)

Your posts

PLEASE don't be discouraged by some prick that doesn't know any better... I have to say that although I have sometimes thought you were dwelling too much on the past, I remind myself of what you went through and that I never had a lover of 9.5 years suddenly pass away. I can't even fathom the feelings you must have gone through and probably are still going through... your posts are welcome here anytime you need to vent as far as I'm concerned... and hope that you know that there are some LJers who look up to you for your strength and courage through all of this. * BIG HUG *
explosivo From: explosivo Date: October 1st, 2002 05:25 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Your posts

Interesting, fullback40 that you would brand me as a "prick" not knowing ANYTHING about any of the parties you are speaking about.

I've known guysterrules for over 25 years. How long have you known either of us? While you are certainly entitled to your opinion, and I certainly knew when I posted my original comments there would be some people that would portray me as the "prick," I stand by what I said and could offer a rather lengthy list of people who not only agree with me, but are thrilled that SOMEONE had the gumption to speak their peace.

I completely comprehend grief. My mom is dying a rather slow, and painful death right now... I have lost dozens of friends and a couple of partners to AIDS over the past 20 years. I have had to sit with my stepfather's body after a suicide, but you know... NINE MONTHS OF WALLOWING is hard for the people around you who WANT to be supportive, but have run out of options.

(Ugh, I am just disgusted. --- This sacrificial lamb shit SUCKS.)
fullback40 From: fullback40 Date: October 1st, 2002 06:23 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Your posts

I was typing my reply as the two of you posted your comments, so I had no way of knowing who had posted what. If me calling you a prick somehow offended you, I apologize. Just as you stand by your comments to your friend, I stand by mine. Matter of opinion, I guess. LJ is supposed to be a free place where all can express whatever they choose to - cause a journal is THEIRS! It's PERSONAL, and WE are damn LUCKY that they choose to share it with us. My comment was made NOT to piss you off or offend you... it was to offer support to him and let him know that people out there in the LJ world LIKE reading what he has to say... if you don't, there's that little down arrow at the bottom right side of the screen... move your mouse so the cursor/arrow is on top of the arrow and keep pressing till his journal entry no longer appears on your screen... don't deprive him or the rest of us from hearing his tale by asking him to censure himself... not fair to him or us (LJ readers). That's all.
From: inkprincess Date: October 10th, 2002 02:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hi Terry. I'm a friend of Marc's. I'm just reading your LJ for the first time today. I can't believe what you've gone through, and that you're able to share those thoughts! I almost broke down in tears reading the Vinyl entry. that was beautiful. I've lost many loved pets, but thankfully not many loved ones. hang in there.
From: ex_violenza541 Date: October 12th, 2002 10:07 pm (UTC) (Link)

(saw you in hitchfans)
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