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Sing With Me If It's Just For Today...
If I should fall behind, Guyster, wait for me.
My friend Ricky just sent me the lyrics to a new country song he heard. They are by Darrel Worley. The lyrics are amazingly EXACT except Billy had beautiful brown puppy eyes.

...I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend

I miss the colors that you brought into my life
Your golden smile, those blue-green eyes
I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now
Saying it'll be alright

I miss those times
I even miss the silly fights
The making up
The morning talks
And those late afternoon walks
I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with

Current Mood: crushed crushed
Current Music: You're Missing - Springsteen

5 comments or Leave a comment
explosivo From: explosivo Date: October 1st, 2002 02:01 pm (UTC) (Link)

Ugh. My first thought is... "My friend Ricky..." needs not feed the fire> What kind of friend is he? Then again, after I say this, it might be "what kind of friend am I?" Terry, I adore you, and I have been thinking I shouldn't post ANYTHING in your LJ for fear of alienation and reprisal, but hon, you need to use this as a cathartic tool towards RECOVERY, not wallowing in the maudlin and somber. It is virtually impossible to read your entries, and believe me, I DO want to... but I want to feel like there is some progress *(not perfection), and all I read is despair and an unwillingness to move forward. I know it has affected me (and others) in terms of our approach towards you.

I know you loved Billy, but honestly, I don't need a 2 or 3 time a day reminder of your sadness. It's apparent, it's perhaps warranted, but it's over the top for ANYONE (on the inside, or the out.)

I feel really bad about hitting the "Post Comment" button now, but I do it for ME.

I know you're not going to miraculously have your pain lifted, but if I were to remove you from my friends list so I didn't have to constantly read your depressing entries, I would feel alot worse than just getting this off my chest.

I applaud all you do to memorialize and not trivialize Billy's passing, but I don't think I want to be part and parcel to you not truly getting past your grief. Please try to understand.
among_the_stars From: among_the_stars Date: October 21st, 2002 04:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
I saw your post in a community so I've been reading through your journal a little.

I can relate to so much. I wish I had my lj when I was dealing with my loss. I would have had so many entries just like yours. I write about Dave in mine though and it will be 7 years in February since he's been gone. It still miss him so much it hurts.

Anyway, I just wanted to comment to say I know. And, I liked these lyrics very much. I'll have to find that song so I can hear it.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: October 21st, 2002 05:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you for taking the time. That helps so much. My therapist said that grief needs an audience and I have fatigued my friends already so I thought I would take it online.

If you like Bruce Springsteen, his new record The Rising, will resonate for you. It is a beautiful CD. Even if you don't like him, you'll appreciate the lyrics.

Who is Dave? What happened?
among_the_stars From: among_the_stars Date: October 21st, 2002 11:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
I definitely believe what your therapist said! I, unfortunately, kept it all to myself and that is probably why my grief drug out for so many years. It's been over six years and just a couple months ago I finally became okay with it. I write about him in my journal sometimes and I also write letters to him in my journal. It helps so much. He was my best friend in high school and also my boyfriend. He died in a car accident at 19. I was 17. Obviously we couldn't have shared the same kind of relationship as you and Billy, but I've never loved anyone like Dave and I don't know that I ever will.

If you don't mind, I'm going to add you to my friends list. I would like to read more of your journal. Even though I said I'm okay now, it still helps to talk about it and listen to other peoples stories and thoughts of their experience.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: October 22nd, 2002 03:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
There is nothing like first loves and I can only imagine how hard it was for you at 17 to deal with when Dave passed away. Six years and sometimes it seems like yesterday, huh? I am so sorry.

It is so hard to figure out and reconcile why thiws happens and what there's left afterwards. I take solace in knowing that Billy is safe and happy and with his Mom and Dad, and that some day we will be together again. The ONLY positive thing that has come out of losing my Billy is my spirituality is stronger than ever. It is the only thing that I hang onto because I don't know what else to do.

Of course you can be my LJ friend. I don't have too many because after the blow-up on the main board, I deleted the few that I did have. I welcome any and all dialogue with you. And I hope that you continue to be even more "okay" with it with each passing day.
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