Log in

No account? Create an account
entries friends calendar profile My Website Previous Previous Next Next
Sing With Me If It's Just For Today...
If I should fall behind, Guyster, wait for me.
Ode To Russell
I've referenced Russell many times on my LJ. I usually refer to him as my "ex," which he is but I wanted to create a portrait of him to give more context.

We were together from 1980-1990. We met and five days later, I moved in. He was a record promoter with a huge group of friends, and I was a 21-year old punker grinding through a horrible job. He must have somehow seen potential to invite me into his life in the way he did. He introduced me to his friends. I was socially inept at that time (some might argue I'm not all that much better now) and really intimidated by his big and successful life. At this time, I was pretty hard core into punk and dressed the part. He was, by contrast, very conservative and liked the Doobie Brothers. On paper, it was not a great match. At first, his friends were dismissive of me, but they grew close as well and I became part of Russell's extended family.

But, as we got to know each other, our lives together blossomed and our love flourished. He helped me on my career path, he helped me break through two addictions and he gave me a sense of my own power and potential.

Russell is a very determined man and has a truly entrepreneurial spirit. He started a company out of our living room with a partner, and Russell drove that company to amazing success. He became a very wealthy man. Parallel to his rise, I was becoming a young turk at a very large, powerful agency. What crept into our relationship and helped poison it was the competition we embraced with one another.

Although he always had the personality of a cop, he is one of the most honest and kind men I have ever met. There's this little, mischievous boy lurking inside and gets out in spurts. That little boy is very lovable. We never stopped loving one another even though we went onto other relationships. When I met Billy, I was living on Russell's boat. Billy immediately liked Russell and grew to love him as well. There was never a moment of jealously from either party.

I treasure my friendship with Russell. He is so much a part of who I am and continue to be. His influence is felt daily. His love has never wavered. I am forever grateful and indebted.

If it had not been for Russell, I would have been ill-prepared to love and nurture my relationship with Billy. By the time I met Billy, I was an adult. I took on the Russell role sometimes and Billy, in certain ways, played the Terry part. But the balance of power in our home was more equal than it had been with Russell.

So I feel like the luckiest man in the world. I have found true love twice. In so many ways, Billy was the exact opposite of Russell. Together they gave me a sense of family I have never felt. There is not a moment of every day I do not miss my Guyster. I still do not understand why he is gone and I struggle to make it through each day without him.

When Billy died last year, Russell was the first person I called and he came over immediately. He walked me through the horrendous steps of what had to be done. I'm not sure what would have happened had I not had this amazingly strong man in my corner.

Russell's and my song was "Time After Time" by Cyndi. It still applies.

Current Mood: loved loved
Current Music: Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper

6 comments or Leave a comment
explosivo From: explosivo Date: January 12th, 2003 03:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
it's certainly well documented that the night Russell took you home for the first time, the intention was to pawn you off on me :) (hehehehe.) I remember being invited over to go to breakfast the next day. Wow, it's been a long, dark road :)

I have volumes to speak about on the Russell front, and am glad he is in our lives.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: January 12th, 2003 05:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yes I know I was auditioning for you with Russell but at that time, I just wasn't quite pudgy enough : )

You were one of the first, if not THE first, friend I met of his. I was entralled and terrified of you. Even though we were roughly the same age, you seemed so much more evolved than I was at the time. Probably because you weren't flying on angel dust most of the time : ) But you were really cool about taking me around to the clubs when Russell didn't want to go out.

There are volumes to speak of Russell. I wanted to kind of introduce him to my circle of friends on here because he had such an impact on my life (and yours) and because he is a great guy.

I would love to hear your take on him.
bigredwojo From: bigredwojo Date: January 14th, 2003 01:52 pm (UTC) (Link)


This history is interesting. It answers a few questions that lingered but were to intimate to ever ask. I envy the trip you have all taken together over the years. Your lucky to still have each other as friends. I had a bad habit of becoming bored, distracted and not recognizing a persons true value. It's nice to see an enduring friendship.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: January 14th, 2003 02:58 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: interesting

Thanks for the really nice comment/compliment. For me, friends are my family. Growing up as a single child in a fucked up family made me reach out to friends and keep them no matter what.

I'm now curious about what questions you might have had that were answered in that story...hmmmmm.
bigredwojo From: bigredwojo Date: January 15th, 2003 09:08 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: interesting

Grin ... nothing too intimate. Just details I never knew about. Having met Russell and you only a few times, I never really asked how the connection with Marc was made. I met you at your apartment in Chelse (sp) with Billy and I met Russell at his home in Santa Barbara when Marc and I stayed overnight. Marc seems to have this knack of having only very special people in his life. So, I know that if I ever meet someone who has known Marc for a period of time they are usually pretty special.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: January 16th, 2003 10:28 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: interesting

Michael, that is a real real nice thing to say. When I first met you, I thought Marc had hit the jackpot. You were (not just looks-wise but that too) everything he seemed to love. I am pretty sure he still does. Marc is an amazing man: smart, funny, infuriating and reluctantly lovable. He's been a great friend to me for many, many years.
6 comments or Leave a comment