As I tried to drift off last night, it occured to me after seeing the video tape of our last Christmas, I not only missed Billy but I missed myself. On that tape, I saw a guy who didn't have any other cares in the world except for the mundane, day-to-day nonsense that we all get wrapped up in. But I was happy. Really happy. It was like looking at a completely different person on screen. I miss me being happy. I miss me being me.