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Not even a sad elephant can bring the rain - Sing With Me If It's Just For Today...
If I should fall behind, Guyster, wait for me.
guysterrules
guysterrules
Not even a sad elephant can bring the rain
The video was brief and shaky, a cell phone taking it with the unsteady hand of excitement. The elephant was butting its head against a towering palm in the median strip of a busy tànon yài . He––or she, it was hard to tell from the angle of the video––had just stomped the head of his trainer and escaped the circus; years of abuse and isolation let loose on the evening news.
*
Work has been as unsteady as ever, and while the conclusion is in sight, I’m fatigued from auditioning for a job I’ve had for four years. I put out feelers to some key agent friends, people who know what’s going on in the job market, and one set me up for an interview with the masters who bring Americans Wife Swap and The Two Coreys. I suck in an interview and this was no exception. After the president of the company did a hard sale for me on their future, I told him I wasn’t really looking for a new gig and thanked him for his time. Like the needy bumbling asshole I am, though, I hedged and on my way out, I said how much I enjoyed watching the Coreys. Too bad that it hadn’t aired yet.
*
All New Mega-Doppler 7000, our local ABC affiliate’s weather-predictor showed that the next seven days will be 83 with a low of 66, every single day. Each panel on the 7-day forecast showed a yellow sun with a wispy little cloud nudging its lower left. I’ve been looking for that cloud, but it has yet to appear.
*
On the flight back to Los Angeles from Montreal, I scored an aisle bulkhead seat. That would’ve been a primo seat had it not been for the guy to my right sneezing and snotting for five hours, or the Indian woman who decided that crouching next to me, using my armrest, and yammering to her teenaged daughter in a loud, clipped voice was acceptable airplane behavior. I had to tell her to go sit in her own seat, which earned me a dirty look, yet she continued her conversation in a stage whisper. When I involved the flight attendant and the woman was forced to go back to her place, her husband, who was sitting directly behind me, spent the next three hours kicking the back of my chair.
*
The news anchor said that the elephant had been wrangled and returned to the circus. Even for the most noble of animals, sometimes there’s just no escape.
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Comments
stutts From: stutts Date: July 31st, 2007 06:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Are you sure the elephant wasn't another viral marketing ploy for the Simpson's movie? Was he perhaps butting into a glass dome that had been clandestinely installed over Los Angeles?

You're kind of intimidating in person, I definitely wouldn't have been blithely provoking you by kicking your chair for three hours.

Maybe the president appreciated your tactful white lie? Or assumed you were enough of an insider that you'd been able to wrangle a preview out of somebody?
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: July 31st, 2007 07:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Me? INTIMIDATING?
stutts From: stutts Date: July 31st, 2007 09:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
Admit you're intimidating or I'll hit you!
quuf From: quuf Date: July 31st, 2007 06:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
her husband, who was sitting directly behind me, spent the next three hours kicking the back of my chair.

Take heart: there may be a rogue elephant in his future.
From: minnesattva Date: July 31st, 2007 08:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hm, are rogue elephants the sort of things you can order for someone? Like flower bouquets?

Not that I have a person in mind who could really use one, I think. With some nice baby's breath, maybe.
backawayslowly From: backawayslowly Date: July 31st, 2007 07:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ouch! (re: interview).

How was JFL? One of these years I should meet you there, I've never been.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: July 31st, 2007 07:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
It was really good this year. Howie and family were there, and the Kids did a reunion show. Also, Bob and David did a sketch show with new sketch groups. They sucked. You don't. Wish you were there.



ridiculicious From: ridiculicious Date: July 31st, 2007 08:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
I hate people. This reminds me of a time when I asked this wanna be rap star to turn down his music, because I was rocking out to his tunes like I was wearing the headphones. He shot daggers at me and then turned it up. I thought about giving him a really good pinch, but he looked like he was raised in some sort of environment where killing was an every day occurrence. Fucking airplanes.
spleenless From: spleenless Date: July 31st, 2007 09:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
I sat next to a preteen and teen who yammered away at me and constantly harangued me for conversation....oh wait - those were my kids ;-) Actually on the way back Cora and I sat next to a woman who was loudly discussing her stalker with her therapist, then called said stalker to tell him in no uncertain terms (at least for those of us familiar with foul language) to back off. Cora was a bit taken aback, I had to later ask her if she needed me to outline how to file a restraining order.

As for the job set up, you most likely do much better than you give yourself credit for. Hope all goes well.
katryxx From: katryxx Date: July 31st, 2007 10:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
Do stories about elephants ALWAYS have to be sad? Dammit.

Job interviews and airplanes suck. Dammit.
urbear From: urbear Date: August 1st, 2007 12:28 am (UTC) (Link)
Nothing makes flying more fun than dealing with evil people throughout a six-hour flight. I sympathize.

JFL was always one of the best things about living in Montreal; I looked forward to it all year, especially The Nasty Show, the event that features as many truly obnoxious comics as they can fit into an evening. One learns quickly not to sit in the front row or two, but that's not always a sure thing; at one show a performer, knowing that most of the audience felt safe, left the stage with a big flashlight, pointing it at his victims as he wandered through the room. His comment to a younger and shaggier version of me: "What are you, an armpit with eyes?"
privatesector From: privatesector Date: August 1st, 2007 01:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
You've given me some good advice since I've known you, and if I'm ever in a position to assist you in any way I'll certainly let you know.

Am moving forward with the Einstein and Zippy projects with some assist (with Zippy) by none other than John Astin who is on faculty here. Until recently I wasn't aware he was nominated for an Academy award.

I'm thinking of you.
creactivity From: creactivity Date: August 15th, 2007 05:38 am (UTC) (Link)

Check at least one.

Write more.
Hang out with Susan sometime soon.
madlingen From: madlingen Date: August 25th, 2007 08:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
some days we're the trainer
some days the animal

great writing as always

namaste
shawnsyms From: shawnsyms Date: December 31st, 2007 09:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thinking of you,
S.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: December 31st, 2007 09:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hey Shawn,

Man, I've gone underground. It's been very hard to write lately, and by lately, I mean the past six months.

I don't even come on to read my friends.

Shame spiral starts.

Thanks, Shawn. I hope you and Jeff have been great and I wish you a fantastic New Years.

shawnsyms From: shawnsyms Date: December 31st, 2007 09:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
I hear you about hard to write. Not everything has been good for me this year. Hopefully we can have lunch or dinner one day, and talk then.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: January 1st, 2008 07:05 am (UTC) (Link)
Do you have plans for LA soon? That would be awesome. I'd love to meet you.

Happy New Year, Shawn. I hope this one works well for you.
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