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The mop - Sing With Me If It's Just For Today... — LiveJournal
If I should fall behind, Guyster, wait for me.
The mop
I bought a mop at Home Depot on Friday night. Of the eight kinds on display, I chose one with strips of absorbent cloth that squeeze neatly into a plastic foreskin, and with a firm push downward, the mop rids itself of its excess water. It’s simplicity on a stick. I looked at the instructions on the back of the hardwood floor cleaner that I had in the shopping basket. It showed a drawing of a woman in a dress using a sponge mop, but I ignored their suggestion.

I don’t like being told what to do.

The mop and the cleaner sat in the living room all day Saturday while I stayed upstairs and napped. When I woke to find the early dark, I showered and met friends for an insanely funny send-up of The Match Game in a small theater in Hollywood. We ate at Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles afterward then I drove home with Stephen and Eddie licking the stubble of my shaved head.

The mop and cleaner mocked me from the spot where I left them on Friday night. I gave them a nod good night, almost, when I walked upstairs to watch TV. I fell asleep on the couch with Eddie tucked into the crook of my knees.

I woke up on Sunday with mopping on my mind, and even made a half-assed attempt in the late morning. I sloshed the rag mop around a few times, the water and wood soap making it shine for a moment before it returned to the same dulled oak of a hundred years of careless pets and neglect.

I gave up, put the mop in the laundry room so I wouldn’t have to look at it anymore, and went back upstairs to nap while pundits predicted the upcoming election results on the television.

Last night my friends and I surrounded the TV with three laptops fired up on constant Refresh, and we applauded and ate and celebrated the fact that Arizona doesn’t hate homos as much as Tennessee.

In the darkness of the Valley with a hot desert wind blowing through, we rejoiced in the Democrats' victory, but today, with the glaring sun and insistent blue sky, I fear that our winners have an enormous mess to clean up, yet if they need a hand, I have just the mop for them.
13 comments or Leave a comment
From: hulagalinthesky Date: November 8th, 2006 11:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Brilliant connection!
creactivity From: creactivity Date: November 8th, 2006 11:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
It showed a drawing of a woman in a dress using a sponge mop, but I ignored their suggestion.

I don’t like being told what to do.

I LOLed!

Seriously, we have to figure out how to spend some time together soon. It's ridiculous how long it's been since I've seen you.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: November 10th, 2006 03:56 am (UTC) (Link)
Wanna see Stranger Than Fiction this weekend?
creactivity From: creactivity Date: November 10th, 2006 04:25 am (UTC) (Link)
Dammit...I already agree to go to the lake. Things are looming, though, so I'll let you know if anything changes.
wordweaverlynn From: wordweaverlynn Date: November 8th, 2006 11:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
The mop foreskin -- an image that will recur every time I clean my floors. Or get a guy in a dress to do them for me.
mattycub From: mattycub Date: November 9th, 2006 12:15 am (UTC) (Link)
Last night was the most fun election EVER!
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: November 10th, 2006 03:55 am (UTC) (Link)
Being in a room with some of the smartest and funniest people in town really helps. It was so much fun with you guys!
mondragon From: mondragon Date: November 9th, 2006 12:36 am (UTC) (Link)
Mops are useless.

You need a Hoover Floormate (there are several models). You fill one container with water and soap. You turn on the vacuum and scrubber. You spray the water on the floor and the scrubbers scrub and the vacuum sucks up the dirty water.

It's just amazing. After the first use when you see how much dirty water you've sucked up you'll realized you've made a very smart purchase.
littlezen From: littlezen Date: November 9th, 2006 08:28 am (UTC) (Link)
There has inumberable amounts written and spoken and rewritten and respoken about this election and this was my very favorite of those things.
raptusanxieux From: raptusanxieux Date: November 9th, 2006 12:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
I like it when you come around.
I should get myself a foreskin mop.
ridiculicious From: ridiculicious Date: November 9th, 2006 03:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
Excellent way to bring that mop around.

And you sure do nap a lot. So do I. It keeps me from actually doing something -- like writing for example. When I started on my novel, I never knew how tired I really was. I think I might take a nap now and I just got up.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: November 10th, 2006 03:44 am (UTC) (Link)
For the past two months, every time I sit down to write something, I end up napping, then wake up disoriented and feeling guilty. It's a good system.
ridiculicious From: ridiculicious Date: November 9th, 2006 03:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh and PS spend the 50 or so bucks to get an electric hardwood floor steam cleaner. FUCK YEAH! I actually like mopping now.
13 comments or Leave a comment