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SIG-phobic - Sing With Me If It's Just For Today...
If I should fall behind, Guyster, wait for me.
guysterrules
guysterrules
SIG-phobic
I see people’s cars at the side of the road or on the freeways, or worse, in the middle lane of traffic, with their hoods up as they wait for AAA or some miracle to come and make them invisible, and I look away because I’m afraid their bad luck will rub off on me. I listen to talk radio with traffic updates “on the eights,” and hear that there’s a SIG Alert on the 10 or the 405 or the 60, and I know that some poor sap is trying to push his brokenmobile to the side of the road while a symphony of angry horns encourages him onward.

I never want to be that person. Ever.

I live in daily fear that my car will suddenly go silent while stopped at a light or as I try to make a left hand turn. It’s not an irrational fear, mind you, given that my car has logged well over a hundred thousand miles, and during its recent tune-up, the mechanic warned me that my serpentine belt is cracked and that the water hoses need replacement. Ever since he uttered that cautionary statement, callously tossing off the information while wiping his hands on a greasy rag, he knew that I’d be able to think of nothing else while behind the wheel. He knows me.

Now I white-knuckle my way through the streets of LA certain that at any moment, I’ll be the sole reason for a traffic jam, and on the next “eight,” KFI will announce from their chopper in the sky that there’s a SIG Alert. Determined drivers will try and pull around my disabled vehicle, maybe even cause a satellite accident, or two, and I’ll bury my face in shame until AAA or some other miracle comes to rescue me.

I’m sure Loyd Sigmon never meant to do this to me, but he did, and I resent the hell out of him.

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Comments
shawnsyms From: shawnsyms Date: August 25th, 2006 08:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
I knew there was a reason I never learned how to drive!
From: (Anonymous) Date: August 26th, 2006 02:16 am (UTC) (Link)
Just bend over, I'll drive ;)
quuf From: quuf Date: August 26th, 2006 04:39 am (UTC) (Link)
Many years ago, my car fell into a dead faint just as I was poised to make a left-hand turn onto . . . drum roll . . . San Vicente from Wilshire. Unfortunately, this transpired at 6pm on a weekday. I had to push and steer at an unreasonably sharp angle -- you know the intersection, I'm sure -- and my fellow motorists were most unkind.

Since then, I've become rather militant when it comes to helping others in my former predicament -- even going so far as to push them across multiple lanes and onto the freeway shoulder with my Toyota Echo, which has the dimpled hood to prove it. Horns are honked, obscenities hurled, and the police would no doubt disapprove (and with good reason). I don't give a flying hubcap.

In the meantime, try not to worry about it. The reality will be far less traumatic than your imagination would have it. If it happens at all, that is.
yieldsigns From: yieldsigns Date: August 26th, 2006 07:58 am (UTC) (Link)
You're not helping me. My brakes are currently grinding and I'm too poor and unloved to find alternate transportation to work.

I might die in a fiery crash between now and Thursday. :(
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