January 1st, 2007

life saver

New Years Eve '02 revisited

We spent the entire night together with a collective vocabulary of less than fifty words. We smoked pot and dressed our dog Bob in party garb. My new camera whirred for some of the night capturing the countdown moment.

I look at this tape and see me laughing without hesitation or consequence. Billy is in constant motion, as usual. A simple kiss and some party poppers started ’02 for us.

Billy said quietly, “This is the year…” I interrupted him, loud and obnoxious. When I’m finished braying, he completes his thought with a barely audible, “…things will come together…on my own.”

Twenty-one nights later, he would be on his own, all alone. And I stopped laughing a carefree laugh.

I want to crawl back into this video and stay there. More than anything in the world, I just want to stay there.