December 10th, 2003

the globe

When dreams come true

The first time it happened, I was about fourteen and wide awake. It was a vision or more likely, the product of an active adolescent imagination but it seemed so vivid that it hurt my head. It came to me with no warning and it started to happen with a regularity that frightened me. Sometimes it would come and I would take my fist and pound my head, trying to get it out of there. I never told anyone. No one.

The waking dream continued well into my twenties, so much so that I thought I’d write a script about it to purge it from my mind. The script never happened, not one word of it, and when I looked at its content, there really is no story to be told. It is just a quick and scary little thought that rattled around in my head for many years. In those intervening years, the dream has become more detailed and again, perhaps it’s just me connecting some dots. But when it happened the first few times, I was left in the sweat and stink of fear. It continues to this day, this dream, although it has taken on some horrifying aspects of truth. I warn you, it’s probably as dull as golf so feel free to move along.

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As I’ve mentioned before, I grew up fearing and fully anticipating finding my mother dead. It was hammered into my head from an early age that at any time, it might happen. Especially if I was bad. Who knew that so many years later, with someone who I cared for and loved far more than my mother, it would happen? I didn’t see it in the clouds but I have to admit, I had the imagery firmly placed in my mind. Which begs the question: Can you think something to happen?
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