November 14th, 2002

ledbetter tat


Well the call I have been fearing the most came in this morning. My consultant gig is officially over and there is now a compete lack of income. While savings gives me a cushion, it will soon be living on credit cards. FUCK! No more rugs to pull from under me. No more back-up. Me and Bob. That's it. Thank God I have a therapy appointment in a few hours.

If anyone knows of a gig for a really talented workaholic....
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ledbetter tat

Therapy and Dinner

I had therapy today. He went into suicide crisis mode which isn't really appropriate but I appreciated the sentiment. Then he said that he has rarely met someone as strong as I am and that something good will come my way and it is time to focus. All good ideas. Gee, where have I heard them before? Then I had dinner with Scott who said the same things.

OK I get it. I'm not gonna commit suicide. I gave Billy a vow plus there's Bob and all my friends who would really hate it if I did. I get it. I hope there's another job around the corner but I am less than optimistic. I put out a lot of feelers today and was told that the job market is bad now. Duh.

The fact is I already lost the only thing that really mattered to me. Billy. After that, losing something else like a job or my keys or whatever pales in comparison. Bob and the house. Those are the things I have left that I cannot afford to lose. I will find another gig. I know. I've worked in a volitile business for way too long to really worry. It's just the notion of losing something else that strikes a tender chord.

Yeah, I'm strong. Stronger by the day. BFD.
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