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Sing With Me If It's Just For Today...
If I should fall behind, Guyster, wait for me.
Holidays in the sun

Summer vacations seemed to be accidental occurrences completely dependent on my mother’s mood; frenzied packing would soon lead to a short car trip to somewhere as exotic as the Wisconsin Dells or the Indiana Dunes. The worst ones were those when my mother had travel on her mind, but was in the throes of one of her endless imaginary illnesses, one that required her to accessorize with a wheelchair, or worse, a walker. There were a few where she actually stood on her own two feet; those vacations were fun only because I wasn’t constantly embarrassed.

Being an only child on trips with my parents led to many awkward situations. The resorts always had children’s activities, and my parents would shoo me off to “meet other kids.” I was certain there’d be absolutely no one I’d want to meet, and even more certain that I’d rather be lounging by the pool while reading a novel I had recently shoplifted, maybe Puzo’s The Godfather, or Jacqueline Susann’s The Love Machine. If I could’ve pulled it off, I’d be smoking a cigarette while at the pool proving to all those who passed by just how sophisticated I really was.

Meeting other kids seemed pointless and terrifying to me. The games were usually lame involving some stupid sport, and I’d stand on the sidelines rolling my eyes and plotting my escape. If my “camp counselor” would just look away for a minute, I’d make a play toward the wooded area, circle back around, grab my paperback, and soon I could lather myself in Coppertone on a chaise. I pulled off this gambit more often than not.

On one particular trip to a particularly cheesy resort at the Dells that had Yogi and Boo Boo as their Welcome sign, I found a different kind of adventure, one that provided endless fascination for me. There was a men’s room right off the lobby, and one of the toilet stalls had a peephole that looked directly onto a line of urinals. For the two days we were there, I spent most of my time with my eye glued to that little hole peering at a parade of men who would come in, take out their penises, and piss. I didn’t fully understand why, but it hooked me.

It was then that I finally found a sport I could get behind.


16 comments or Leave a comment
quuf From: quuf Date: November 20th, 2005 09:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
In Astoria, Oregon, in the summer of 1971, I lifted a copy of Myra Breckinridge from a drugstore.

So good to have you back.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: November 21st, 2005 01:47 am (UTC) (Link)
At least you shoplifted good authors.
notoriousbrb From: notoriousbrb Date: November 20th, 2005 09:31 pm (UTC) (Link)

Holy Fucking Fabulous

Way to make my Sunday. Are you glad you had the life you did? Aren't I glad you have the right kind of brain to write about it?
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: November 21st, 2005 01:49 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Holy Fucking Fabulous

I love the life I had, and at this point, I'm glad for any brain function at all.
From: wulfbere Date: November 20th, 2005 10:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
the cheesy resort with yogi and boo boo is jellystone. it is still there. there are about eight that i can remember seeing throughout wi.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: November 21st, 2005 01:50 am (UTC) (Link)
That's it! Jellystone. I forgot its name.
twillhead From: twillhead Date: November 20th, 2005 11:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Now THERE'S a childhood memory I can get behind! Hugs to you...
ruralrob From: ruralrob Date: November 20th, 2005 11:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
So that was YOU that was looking through the hole. You should have said hi!
brianrdu From: brianrdu Date: November 21st, 2005 12:06 am (UTC) (Link)
*drops the chalupa*

I did the SAME thing when I was a kid, out with my grandmother(s)...I had to do SOMETHING to pass the time while they played bingo!
stutts From: stutts Date: November 21st, 2005 02:15 am (UTC) (Link)
There used to be a commercial for Wheel of Fortune with a song that went "I'm a wheel-watcher." For you it should be "I'm a wiener-watcher."

Also, lol @ yer shortpants.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: November 22nd, 2005 03:08 am (UTC) (Link)
Who knew weiner watching would be a lifelong sport?

And, hey, I was stylin' in those shorts.
ubermunkey From: ubermunkey Date: November 21st, 2005 07:11 am (UTC) (Link)
you magic man
I love your writing.

be well
petulant From: petulant Date: November 22nd, 2005 02:13 am (UTC) (Link)
I know I suck at commenting, but I really loved this post. And, uh. That's all I have to say, I suppose.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: November 22nd, 2005 02:50 am (UTC) (Link)
I suck at commenting, too! And thanks! Seriously.
poodler From: poodler Date: January 13th, 2006 04:56 pm (UTC) (Link)

Growin' up

Where'd you grow up?
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: January 14th, 2006 09:58 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Growin' up

I grew up in Oak Park, Illinois. It's an old suburb of Chicago. I've lived in LA, except for almost two years in NYC with Billy and the two years that I just spent in DC, since 1980.
16 comments or Leave a comment