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Reality rights and wrongs - Sing With Me If It's Just For Today...
If I should fall behind, Guyster, wait for me.
guysterrules
guysterrules
Reality rights and wrongs
“Oh, yeah. In Toosahhn, we have tarantulas as big as rats.” Sue Hawk (Survivor: Borneo, Survivor: All-Stars, Battle of the Network Reality Stars) belted out this news while I was three inches from her face. Jonathan Torrens (“Gerald” with a hard “G” from Joe Schmoe 2) was standing next to me, stifling a giggle. “Yeah, you shoulda seen my mother-in-law running down the hallway naked when she found one in her bed.” She lightly punched my chest for emphasis.

“Hawk, you slut!” Nicki McKibbon (American Idol, Battle of the Network Reality Stars) screamed across the loud club where the Fox Reality Channel launch party was just beginning. She ran over, spilled her drink on the floor, left it there, and lit a cigarette. I was balancing a plate of sushi with my tin tray of soy sauce carefully balanced. She was drunk. The party had started twenty minutes ago.

“Oh, God, I hope Janice Dickenson shows up,” Mickey, my date and the reason I was there, whispered in my ear. Mickey and I had an insane encounter (is there any other kind?) with Janice a few years ago when we were working together on a show for GSN. I squeezed Mickey’s arm hard enough to bruise her from my excitement.

Sue and Nicki were jabbing while Jonathan and I talked trash on the endless roster of reality celebrities. He implored me to start watching Sweet 16.

“Oh, look. There’s Charla.” I pointed down toward the three-foot woman who once carried a side of beef on her back (The Amazing Race 5).

“She’s got a resume as long as her arm,” Jonathan smirked.

I giggled as The Miz (Real World 10, The Inferno II, Battle of the Network Reality Stars) swept by us. Johnny Fairplay (Survivor: Pearl Islands, Kill Reality) was on his tail. I watched Johnny slide up to Trishelle (Real World: Las Vegas, Kill Reality, Battle of Network Reality Stars), and lick her face. I finished my last piece of spicy tuna roll.


Number of times I was hugged by Rupert Boneham (Survivor: Pearl Islands, Survivor: All-Stars) – 2

The amount of dismissive hand waves I witnessed from Janice Dickenson (America’s Next Top Model, The Surreal Life) to Omarosa (The Apprentice 1, Battle of the Network Stars, The Surreal life) – 4

How many drinks I saw Brittany (America’s Next Top Model 4) drink – 3

Number of inches taller Brittany was than Burton (Survivor: Pearl Islands), who he was hitting on – 2

How good Burton looked in person on a 1-10 scale – 8

The number of times reality stars told me that they’d be perfect for our networks – 11

The number of reality stars that I met that would actually be appropriate for our networks - 2

The number of homosexual reality stars that showed up – 3 (Marcellas from Big Brother 4, and Lin and Alex from The Amazing Race 5)

Business cards I handed out to reality stars – 18

On a scale of 1-10, how badly I wanted to approach Danny Bonaduce and tell him about his therapist, Garry, but didn’t – 10

The number of Fox Reality top executives Mickey introduced me to, each one commenting about how I work at the highbrow place - 3

The number of Fox Reality top executives I told that I'd rather work at their lowbrow place - 3

How many sneers I saw from Nick (The Apprentice 2) – 2

For me, this was better than the Oscars.

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Comments
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ladycakes From: ladycakes Date: October 21st, 2005 07:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
OH. MY. GAWD.

I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be hugged by Rupert. He reminds me so much of a really good friend of mine and I'm a little in love with him.

I also love that bitch Marcellas. That was the only Big Brother I bothered watching. I am so jealous I could puke.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: October 21st, 2005 10:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
I loved the relationship between Marcellas and Amy--one of the best ever on TV.
creactivity From: creactivity Date: October 21st, 2005 07:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
On a scale of 1-10, how badly I wanted to approach Danny Bonaduce and tell him about his therapist, Garry, but didn’t – 10

Danny would see it as a plus that he once handed out drugs to a patient.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: October 21st, 2005 10:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
I honestly thought that if I told him in a crowded setting, he would've used it as an excuse to freak out (as if he needed an excuse).
perfectlylegal From: perfectlylegal Date: October 21st, 2005 07:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
I would have been trying to bang Nick all night. There was something about him I found so hot.

This would have been my Oscars too. Since I can never hook up with any real celebrities, reality stars will do. I've already knocked one off my list.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: October 21st, 2005 10:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, he's pretty hot, even with the sneer.
From: inkprincess Date: October 21st, 2005 07:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
Janice Dickenson is PSYCHO!!!!!!
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: October 21st, 2005 10:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yes, an image she certainly didn't dispel last night as she was dancing all alone to Miss You.
From: bobaloo Date: October 21st, 2005 07:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Awesome!! I love it...reality "stars" are crazy! WOO!!
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: October 21st, 2005 10:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Professional binge drinkers make for a fun party.
discreet_chaos From: discreet_chaos Date: October 21st, 2005 08:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
They do have tarantulas as big as rats in Toosahhn.

It sounds like it was a good time and could possibly provide fodder for a month. Your friend, Jonathan, also sounds like he may have been a good partner in crime and I hope you both ragged on some all night.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: October 21st, 2005 10:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Jonathan is hysterical.

Is that Emmett Kelly?
gcnyc From: gcnyc Date: October 21st, 2005 08:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
Was Rupert wearing that stupid tie-dyed tank top? I would have killed to have been in that room!

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: October 21st, 2005 10:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
He actually was wearing a plain blue shirt.

That's a fantastic picture!
fabulist From: fabulist Date: October 21st, 2005 09:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wish I could have been there to see that spark in your eye that I know would have been there that night. I didn't get nearly enough chances to see it while you were here, but it's just like sunlight—just magic.

I miss you so much.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: October 21st, 2005 10:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
The spark was dulled by the amount of club soda I was drinking.
petulant From: petulant Date: October 21st, 2005 09:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
There was a point in my life that I was more than willing to have sex with Rupert.
petulant From: petulant Date: October 21st, 2005 09:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
when.
mondragon From: mondragon Date: October 21st, 2005 09:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't know who most of these people are but that's what the web is forr.

Burton from Survivor, shirtless and bearded: HOT.

guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: October 21st, 2005 10:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
He had his shirt on last night, alas.
From: tequilaprophet Date: October 21st, 2005 09:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
You social butterfly, you...
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: October 21st, 2005 10:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's part of the job.
quuf From: quuf Date: October 22nd, 2005 01:17 am (UTC) (Link)
What I wouldn't give to watch you work a room.
From: ex_hotlavamo352 Date: October 22nd, 2005 02:12 am (UTC) (Link)
I LOVE LIN AND ALEX KEJHFAILUDBFILAUBFPIUABI:UAD
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: October 22nd, 2005 03:39 am (UTC) (Link)
Down, girl
cricketshay From: cricketshay Date: October 22nd, 2005 05:11 am (UTC) (Link)
I didn't recognize very many names in your post. Shows you how much I watch TV and what I know about Reality TV. :P

privatesector From: privatesector Date: October 22nd, 2005 11:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
Remember the 'Cafe Society' party you attended at my house last November? Well, you were referred to in the two page (complete with photos) article so I guess you can include 'times that Style magazine asked about me' on your list of reality events, even if they happened in B'More.

Lots of love,

Lorraine
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: October 23rd, 2005 10:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Style magazine mentioned me? Did they describe what I was wearing?
38 comments or Leave a comment
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