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Exposed! - Sing With Me If It's Just For Today... — LiveJournal
If I should fall behind, Guyster, wait for me.
Ms. Farmer met me at my one-bedroom apartment to assess the weight of my belongings, and calculate an estimate of how much it will cost to pack up and move my things across the country. She was petite with smart glasses, a short tight skirt, and she carried her clipboard as a balladeer would wear his guitar. In the span of a half-hour, we went through every single one of my six hundred and eighty-five square feet.

She didn’t miss a thing; in the kitchen, I opened every cupboard and closet for her inspection. We landed in my bedroom. I revealed my clothes, she jotted on her clipboard, and I felt the need to apologize for the handful of laundry on the floor of my closet. She adjusted her glasses and walked around to the other side of the bed.

I froze. She bent at the waist to look under the bed. Her skirt hiked up just enough to almost show a peek of the bottom of her pantyhose line.

“I’m, um, videotapes.” It may not have been the most articulate explanation for what she was spying, but it was the best I could sputter. Hundreds of videotapes with titles like Straight Strokers and Sassy Meats The Neighborhood were stacked and scattered underneath my bed, and she duly noted them on her checklist.

Ms. Nosy Farmer led me back to my living room, my face flushed, and thanked me for my time. She made some final notes, explained the process, and as she was saying goodbye, I reached out my hand to shake hers, but it was left hanging in the air. She grabbed her purse with her left hand, the clipboard still clutched in her other, and she smiled a polite farewell.


18 comments or Leave a comment
ubermunkey From: ubermunkey Date: June 15th, 2005 02:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
LOL.... ah hell I love it!

be well porno boy!

tedwords From: tedwords Date: June 15th, 2005 02:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
Well, you can understand why she didn't want to shake your hand, right? She now knows exactly where it's been! ;)
soul_spider From: soul_spider Date: June 15th, 2005 02:52 pm (UTC) (Link)

When do you go?
backawayslowly From: backawayslowly Date: June 15th, 2005 02:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
When are you coming home?
From: danman869 Date: June 15th, 2005 03:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
What'd I miss? Are you moving back to California? What happened?
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: June 15th, 2005 09:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
I coming back home, and not a minute too soon!
cricketshay From: cricketshay Date: June 15th, 2005 03:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
When are you leaving? Please say you'll be there another week. Rushes to mailbox. *hugs*

raptusanxieux From: raptusanxieux Date: June 15th, 2005 03:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
That is so funny! Uptight wench!
stutts From: stutts Date: June 15th, 2005 03:42 pm (UTC) (Link)


Straight Strokers and Sassy Meets The Neighborhood

quuf From: quuf Date: June 15th, 2005 04:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
she carried her clipboard as a balladeer would wear his guitar

Oh yes.
creactivity From: creactivity Date: June 15th, 2005 05:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
Note to self: have certain things packed in boxes when getting the moving company quote.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: June 15th, 2005 09:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
I can't imagine what things you might mean.
creactivity From: creactivity Date: June 16th, 2005 01:54 am (UTC) (Link)
The laundry at the bottom of the closet, of course.
katryxx From: katryxx Date: June 15th, 2005 07:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
My roommates will never forgive me for keeping my blue sparkly vibrator right next to my pot stash. It freaks them out to no end, even though I assure them that I keep my toys extremely clean.

You should have made an exaggerated display of wiping your hand on the back of your leg before offering it to her.

And, what Susan said.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: June 15th, 2005 09:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
Now I know where to go when I'm over at your place.
creactivity From: creactivity Date: June 16th, 2005 01:53 am (UTC) (Link)
What the hell are your roommates doing going into your pot stash, anyway?
katryxx From: katryxx Date: June 16th, 2005 12:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
I share, every now and then. I'm generous like that :)
gotu From: gotu Date: June 15th, 2005 10:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
That's embarrassing, but I can't imagine that's the worst Ms. Farmer has seen if she's been doing this for awhile.
18 comments or Leave a comment