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Sideways - Sing With Me If It's Just For Today...
If I should fall behind, Guyster, wait for me.
guysterrules
guysterrules
Sideways
It was a perfectly lovely lunch we had in Bethesda, a new neighborhood for me to explore, and the closest theater that was showing Sideways. We sat in a booth, Joe complaining about the monochromatic crowd and their screaming children. After lunch, we stocked up on popcorn, soda, the desire to see a terrific film.

After the trailers, I settled in for an absorbing and thoughtful character study as the reviews have uniformly screamed. It also starred one of my favorite actors, Paul Giamatti, a man I’ve found compelling since Private Parts.

I looked at my watch fifteen minutes into the film, right after Giamatti’s character steals several hundred dollars from his unsuspecting mother. Fifteen minutes later, I saw Joe check out his watch.

I leaned in. “Ninety minutes to go.” The colorless soundtrack didn’t let up. I started to think of what I wanted for dinner.

“This movie is all montagey,” Joe whispered.

“Lazy storytelling.” We were witnessing the fourth or fifth musical interlude, time passed, and the talk talk talk of wine. I hate wine. I hate the taste of wine. Listening to grinding chatter about the stuff is as riveting as a stranger's horoscope.

Joe looked at his watch again.

“Forty-five minutes.” My face was grim. Freedom was steps away, just on the other side of that door over there. Luckily, the director, Alexander Payne, cleverly divided the film into days-of-the-week chapters, reminding his audience that they were, indeed, going to stay in place for an entire week. We started on Saturday, went through Sunday, spent way too much time on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.

I glared at my watch when Friday finally came around. With twenty more minutes left, the end was in sight. I squirmed in my chair, ate popcorn one kernal at a time to busy myself, wondering if I could name each of Santa's reindeer.

We were the first ones out of the theater.

Every year, there seems to be one film that breaks from the pack, garnering uniform praise, and I get sucked in. You Can Count On Me, About Schmidt, Mystic River, Gladiator, and the granddaddy of them all, The English Patient.

I'm thankful the one this year is behind me.
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Comments
From: danman869 Date: December 5th, 2004 04:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
After all the buzz about this movie, I now suspect I should let it "buzz off." Nothing worse than being in a movie and wondering when you can leave. The funny thing is, we can all leave at any time. Yet, we stay. Why?
brianrdu From: brianrdu Date: December 5th, 2004 05:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Whewwwwwwwwww.
cricketshay From: cricketshay Date: December 5th, 2004 06:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't understand why you sat there and suffered through a horrible movie. Why not just get up and leave? (just curious)
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: December 5th, 2004 06:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
I know! I don't know why. I kept waiting for something, anything, to happen.

Or I could just blame Joe.
cricketshay From: cricketshay Date: December 5th, 2004 07:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
Blame Joe. Oh wait don't tell him I said that. LOL!
mondragon From: mondragon Date: December 6th, 2004 11:51 am (UTC) (Link)
the best quote from a very practical person that I know, as she walked out of a terrible play about 15 minutes after it started:

"They got my money, they don't deserve my time."
fabulist From: fabulist Date: December 5th, 2004 06:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
I liked the original edit of this post better.
backawayslowly From: backawayslowly Date: December 5th, 2004 11:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
do tell!!!!
quuf From: quuf Date: December 5th, 2004 07:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
Terry, I am the loneliest man on earth: I hated, absolutely hated the movie Amelie. Whenever I tell people this, they immediately shrink back in horror, as though I'd just announced I enjoy torturing small animals.
mondragon From: mondragon Date: December 6th, 2004 11:52 am (UTC) (Link)

Amelie?

Amelie was just this side of twee. I loved it, but I am twee-responsive.
quuf From: quuf Date: December 6th, 2004 12:05 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Amelie?

Some of my favorite people are twee, and I, too, have my twee moments.

Glad you're feeling better, by the way. ;-)
ladycakes From: ladycakes Date: December 5th, 2004 11:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
his reminds me of the time me and my mom were kicked out of Chariots of Fire for snoring.

Oh...and I'm not sure if they ever found Private Ryan because after the first 20 minutes I had to walk out.

backawayslowly From: backawayslowly Date: December 5th, 2004 11:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
*smacks you*

I LOVED You Can Count On Me and About Schmidt!

But, I had the same experience in recent years with Elizabeth, Traffic, The Full Monty, and Lord Of The Burger Kings: Return Of Anna And The King or whatever it was called. Everyone yapping about brillance while we're SNORING TO DEATH!
creamycambot From: creamycambot Date: December 6th, 2004 06:53 am (UTC) (Link)
For once in a great while, I will quote one of my favorite idols growing up as a teenager/young adult Flavor Flav...
"Don't believe the hype"
mondragon From: mondragon Date: December 6th, 2004 12:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
I haven't seen You Can Count On Me but I always assumed it would enjoyable just as Mark Ruffalo porn.

Mystic River sucked, Gladiator was bearable only because it was on DVD and I had the flu, and yes indeed, The English Patient was incomprehensibly bad.

Mystic River. I know that losers always end up getting trampled on by thugs. This is special, or insightful, how? It was such a Straight Man's movie.

Something I didn't expect to enjoy was Something's Got to Give - Nicholson wasn't annoying and Diane Keaton was SO ENJOYABLE to watch, I didn't notice how hateful the basic concept was.

I have become better at walking out on things. We left at intermission of the recent revival of Nine with Antonio Banderas, and it took every ounce of strength to stay in my seat for more than 15 minutes of The Producers, surely one of the suckiest wastes of Broadway time in recent history.

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