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Displaced routines - Sing With Me If It's Just For Today... — LiveJournal
If I should fall behind, Guyster, wait for me.
Displaced routines
The sun is blue bright today. The birds look alert. The walk to work has become routine. Sweet Jesus, I love that word. Routine.

After Joe left last night, I looked around my new apartment, and it almost felt like home. I paused the TiVo. I curled up in the warm blanket of quiet, wrote a letter, looked long and hard at a photo, and all I could do was smile. It’s been an odd shake-up, this move. The challenges are familiar and sad. I’ve done it often enough in the past year or so that it’s become routine.

I handed in my second, and last, essay for my workshop on Wednesday evening. I wanted, no, I needed to write about The Big Subject, about Billy, and I accomplished it with varying success. First, we evaluated a woman’s journey to an Indian alternative medicine retreat. Next up was the jovial take from a lesbian about her girly-girl niece. When it was my turn at bat, a collective sigh blew through the room, and the silk scarf of the woman sitting next to me made a little leap from her neck.

There were parts they liked but it was too sentimental, too disjointed, and one strident woman wondered if Billy was mentally challenged. I clenched when I heard that comment but the truth is I didn’t give him many different colors in this piece. I painted Billy as the sweet innocent that he was, most of the time. I wrote myself as the hero who was there at his rescue, time after time. While the events were true, I wrote them, I realized, as a defense to the crippling and routine guilt that mocks me through my every waking moment.

The stress level at work hasn’t changed much except my comfort level has increased. I own the job in a way that impresses those around me. I’ve closed many difficult deals with some high-profile talent, and I received a basket of cookies as a thank you gift from the president of one of the networks. It made my boss both proud and jealous.

Joe has been amazingly supportive during this transition. Without his help and understanding, I would still be sitting in a big pile of mess, paralyzed by the enormity of the task. This weekend, I’m going to shop for a bookshelf, put up some pictures, and find the missing pieces to complete my routine.
8 comments or Leave a comment
From: danman869 Date: November 5th, 2004 07:25 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm glad you're making a happy landing in your new apartment, Terry. Sometimes the "dreaded" word routine can be simply delicious. *HUG*
grrtigger From: grrtigger Date: November 5th, 2004 07:30 am (UTC) (Link)
Glad to hear that your settling in is going well. I'm hoping to follow suit starting next weekend. Once we're all set up, let's follow up on those dinner plans; would you prefer a dinner in or a dinner out?
cricketshay From: cricketshay Date: November 5th, 2004 07:58 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm glad you're getting settled in and that you have Joe to help you.

Writing about the ones we love sometimes helps to ease the pain. Hang in there T.
spleenless From: spleenless Date: November 5th, 2004 08:03 am (UTC) (Link)

I'm looking for my missing piece...

Your post reminded me of this book.

Glad life is settling out a bit.
ruralrob From: ruralrob Date: November 5th, 2004 08:26 am (UTC) (Link)
Its good to hear you are settling in. Having a place that you are comfortable in that you can call home is important, for you particularly I think.
quuf From: quuf Date: November 5th, 2004 10:10 am (UTC) (Link)
Routine is life's backbrace, isn't it? I cinch myself into mine every morning.

And you're walking to work! I always say you've got it made when you can commute on foot.
ladycakes From: ladycakes Date: November 5th, 2004 11:16 am (UTC) (Link)
When it was my turn at bat, a collective sigh blew through the room, and the silk scarf of the woman sitting next to me made a little leap from her neck.

That's just a beautiful visual.


ubermunkey From: ubermunkey Date: November 5th, 2004 09:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
the magic of routine, it allows us to continue when we aren't sure if we want to.

be well

I also enjoyed your insight to your writing, placing yourself in the hero role. Makes me think of my own life and what role I write myself into every damn day.
8 comments or Leave a comment