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Wearing the paper gown - Sing With Me If It's Just For Today... — LiveJournal
If I should fall behind, Guyster, wait for me.
Wearing the paper gown
I’m getting a physical today, the first one in over three years. I woke up late, panicked, crabby, my face pillow-smushed, and I had no time to shower, leaving the doctor to fend off day-old deodorant. Beyond the make sure you have clean underwear level of embarrassment in going today, I can’t eat anything before my one o’clock appointment, and oddly, for the first time in three years, I want breakfast.

There’s a damned party of fear and loathing surrounding the visit; one reveler tells me that those odd little symptoms I’ve ignored for the past two or three years have blossomed into a mid-level cancer or some tenacious form of scurvy, while another party hat reminds me that Billy didn’t have health care once I got booted after Comedy World’s bankruptcy, and he had to fend for himself, never really gaining any benefit from being on my domestic partner plan because we just didn’t have the time. Oh, I really want to buy that party guest an extra drink because had either of us had insurance and Billy had started complaining of chest pains, well, there wouldn’t have been the hemming and hawing hesitation that now finds me anchored in agony, and Billy would not be sleeping his dreamless sleep.

I’m told the doctor is the kindly old type and his receptionist has a voice from the Eisenhower years. Hopefully, I’ll get a nurse who can find a vein to draw blood. Most times, I’ve become so frustrated I’ve wanted to rip the needle from their rubber-gloved hands and just do the thing myself. I’m good at it, but mostly it’s because I just miss the theater of mainlining.

My last physical revealed absolutely nothing wrong with me. I had a full heart and lung scan, a complete blood panel, a finger up my ass, and ultimately, a big thumbs up from my doctor. I suppose this time around, it will be a referendum on stress and grief – just how much can a body take with no payback?
5 comments or Leave a comment
grrtigger From: grrtigger Date: July 29th, 2004 08:15 am (UTC) (Link)
Hope your doctor visit goes well! I'm no fan of them myself, so I can totally sympathize :)
fabulist From: fabulist Date: July 29th, 2004 08:50 am (UTC) (Link)
You're not at the party on your own, hon. You're being looked after in a whole bunch of ways.

But then again, you already know that.

I know my fingers are crossed so hard my knuckles are cracking, because I want you to be here in this world until you've achieved all that you're capable of. Some of my reasons are more selfish, but you know that, too.
ladycakes From: ladycakes Date: July 29th, 2004 09:55 am (UTC) (Link)
To your health! *clink*
ubermunkey From: ubermunkey Date: July 29th, 2004 09:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
finger up the ass and the thumbs up... that is my vote baby.
hope your visit went well.
my doctor is this spicy little thing I can't wait to see again.

as always your writing grabs me.

be well
quuf From: quuf Date: July 29th, 2004 10:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
I hope you evict those party poopers for good, T.
5 comments or Leave a comment