GuysterRules (guysterrules) wrote,

  • Music:

Last night's call with Howie

What’s a 43-year old successful microchip designer to do when he reads a compelling online ad like Wanted: young, well-built 18-30-year-old for slaughter? Well you lie about your age, of course. Then, after getting interest from your prospective slaughterer, go ahead, sell your Mitsubishi, and write your will. Your dream date is about to happen.

In short, the German police have arrested a man who advertised on several online sites that he wanted to kill and eat his partner. He received over 400 positive responses, the kind of kids who sit in the front row of class, waving their hands and saying, “Ooo-oo, pick me. Pick me.” He ended up with the 43-year old who first asked for his penis to be cut excised and then the host proceeded to stab him, carve him up, and freeze his pieces for last minute dinner ideas, all the while filming it.

Howie called me last night and couldn’t wait to tell me this story. “Go ahead. Log onto AOL. It’s on the front page!” He could barely catch his breath. I did and was repulsed by the story that is unfolding in Germany. “The guy video taped the whole thing. I thought you’d have the tape by now,” he said, sounding a little disappointed I hadn’t been following the story.

“Well you just know it’s going on the market any minute,” I said. “Gee, what a great stocking stuffer!” Then I teased him, “And Hanukah is right around the corner.”

“Maybe I’ll wait for Mother’s Day. Nothing says I Love You, Mom like a cannibal tape,” he said, running with the joke.

“Make sure the kids see it. Who needs The Grinch when you have that?” I said and the joke was exhausted.

I teased Howie with some footage I’d seen for the Discovery Channel that plants a small camera in a pile of remote controlled elephant dung and follows the herd. I told him we were looking for a narrator, a comic.

“Talking shit!” he said.


“When are they doing it?” he asked, now interested as I knew he would be.

“They’re still gathering footage,” I said, “They first wanted Robin Williams but I suggested they hire a funny comic.” Howie was silent, not because he took offense by my dig at Robin, but I could tell he was already thinking of jokes for the show.

We caught up on what’s been happening in our lives and as we were winding down, I asked him to give my love to Terry, his wife, and the kids. I told him I was hungry and wanted to grab some dinner.

“What are you having?” he lobbed me an easy opener.

“I don’t know. I’m in the mood for German.”

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