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The dentist - Sing With Me If It's Just For Today...
If I should fall behind, Guyster, wait for me.
guysterrules
guysterrules
The dentist
Thank the lord that picture of kitty cats romping with balls of yarn was plastered to the ceiling or I would have really noticed the two hands and a few machines that were in my mouth. While my gums were being scraped and tortured, and the dentist and her assistant were yapping at me, all I had to do was look up at the pussycats. Who could possibly feel any grinding, nerve-inducing pain when there are little kitties in my line of sight, right? At one point, the dentist dug deep and sent the rawness racing through my body like I just touched the third rail. Oh, what a widdle puddy tat!


I’ve had a lifelong fear of dentists. They’re armed with Mengele instruments and they want to hurt me. Most often, I am tsked every time I go for some dental infraction I’ve committed and beyond the humiliation of my awful and dirty mouth, I just know won’t get my sugarless lollipop at the end of the visit. This one was no different. No. Oh, sure, she pretended to be nice and told me my teeth were in decent shape but I saw right through her little act when she started the whirring sound of that monstrous water-spurting polishing device. She dug in deep, and I flinched and felt like a big baby.

“So. Do you like living here? I bet you miss California. We get a lot of Discovery people in here,” she started on her monologue while she whittled away at my gaping, sore mouth. With the hose hanging out of the side of my mouth, depleting any sort of moisture from it, all I could do was nod. That seemed to encourage her to talk more. “How did you find out about our office? I guess probably from one of those other Discovery folk. That is one big building over there,” she said and I drifted back to my kitty cats, frustrated I couldn’t be engaged in this fascinating conversation and wishing I had a ball of yarn too.

I tried to find my happy place but was interrupted by words like “deep scaling” and “extraction,” and any notion of mental escape was kicked to the curb. All I had were the cats and they started to look as angry and mean as my dentist even though they had frolicky smiles. I hoped my insurance would cover all I had wanted done: whitening, porcelain veneers, bonding, and orthodonture. You know, the Extreme Smile. But, um, no. Insurance only covers the painful stuff. I did, however, purchase some bleach on my way out. I have the trays from a few years ago and Eleanor, the receptionist looked up from her glasses when I asked. “You sure you don’t want your work done first?” she asked.

“No. I can do this part now.” I am used to LA dentists where the very first thing they do when you walk in the office is bleach you teeth. In LA, they won’t even think of fixing a cavity when your teeth aren’t sparkling and I appreciate that Hippocratic ethic. First things first. Make the teeth pretty, as pretty as a kitty cat with a ball of yarn, and then do what you will with me.

I walked out of the office with a little bag of toothpaste, floss, my bleach, and brochures of the torture to come. My mouth is fine. My tongue likes playing with the new smoothness of its inside. But I swear, I had better not see a fucking kitty cat today.
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Comments
fabulist From: fabulist Date: December 2nd, 2003 10:47 am (UTC) (Link)
Young man, if you'd listen to me and brush more, you'd have less to worry about. Just saying, is all.
(Deleted comment)
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: December 2nd, 2003 11:22 am (UTC) (Link)
Are you going to MAKE me?
ubermunkey From: ubermunkey Date: December 3rd, 2003 06:11 am (UTC) (Link)
that is a scene I'd like to watch
you and drood? oh hell yeah!
prowler323 From: prowler323 Date: December 2nd, 2003 11:53 am (UTC) (Link)
Don't you smack talk dentists! They turned me onto nitrous oxide... I didn't care what the hell they did to me, so long as I could breath in that sweet sweet gas.

Of course, now they won't use it on me. I floss from fear of medical procedure, not an urge for good hygiene.
spleenless From: spleenless Date: December 2nd, 2003 01:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Our childhood dentist had outrageously hairy hands (pre-glove days) and the most godawful picture of a spreading oak tree over a quaint town scene. I can remember almost every detail, from the farrier to the children playing under the tree. If I saw it today I would likely shudder from the associations.

Myself, I've been walking around since 4th of July with half a molar not because I'm afraid of the dentist - I'm afraid of the bill.
brianrdu From: brianrdu Date: December 2nd, 2003 05:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
You don't floss? Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Anyway...I've had around 10 fillings this year. Yes, you read that right. I didn't visit a dentist for the preceding 6 years or so, and there were gobs of SweeTarts, Runts, conversation hearts from after-Valentines/Easter sales at Target in our service area when I was working back there (when I first started working with the company I'm with). So this new dentist...he's got a very slick operation going on. There are videos playing the entire time (while you're in the chair), before and after cosmetic dentistry stuff...the only time that's shut off is when they are showing you videos of your mouth, to really drive home how important it is you get this work done, and soon. I went for it. So for the last 3-4 months I have had most of my old fillings ground out and I have a mostly white mouth now.

The only problem I'm having is the last group he filled...top and bottom molars on one side. He built up the new parts of the teeth too much with that white shit, and I couldn't close my mouth right. So I went back for "an adjustment". Now I can close my mouth, but it hurts to chew. *sigh* Guess I need another adjustment.

One thing's for sure now, though...I floss like a madman. It's so ingrained into my routine now, I can't go to bed without doing it.
ubermunkey From: ubermunkey Date: December 2nd, 2003 08:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
widdle putty tat.. come here widdle putty tat...

man you had me cracking up with that one. damn kittys and yarn, evil pure evil black demon things masquerading as nice and soft. wait do you mean women or cats? I may have my evils mixed up?!

sorry bout that. ;-)
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